Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
