9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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