I think my fart just growled at me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
