I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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