Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and she was petting her beer can
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
