My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
