You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
