Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
high people should be assigned attendants
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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