Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
