My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
