saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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