Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap