Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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