so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
