Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
