The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The uberlube is also flammable
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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