it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
