i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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