I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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