Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
