the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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