dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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