party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
