wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
