just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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