you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
