READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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