Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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