I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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