It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
