just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
