omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
