I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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