I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
