you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
