If that was your dad, he is hot
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
