Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
