I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
