i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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