Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
