No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
