Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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