I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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