Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult