so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.