Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Omg the world wants us to be better people