There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.