I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
