He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
