why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
