Screwed.edu
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
