We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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