remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
