I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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