Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
