so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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