I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
