i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
