No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
