I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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