The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
